July 25th, 2011
I’ve heard a lot of folks bandying about the phrase ‘Back to Black’ this week so I can only assume this is a sign that Blackjack is finally reaching the global popularity that I’ve always predicted. For years I’ve been telling anyone that will listen that there ain’t nothing better than the rush of a great Blackjack game and it looks like my message is falling on no-longer deaf ears (wish I could get me some of those, the volume on the laptop only goes up to 100).
Anyway in more exciting news I’ve been raking in the cash of late and it’s not from Blackjack for once. It is still from gambling, of course, but these days this smart ol’ alleycat is putting his money where the gifthorse’s mouth is. It all started when I read in one of the ball-and-chain’s magazines about a fine American stallion named Blackjack Bob. ‘If that’s not a sign,’ I says to myself, ‘I don’t know what is.’ So I put money on the black beauty and blow me down did it only go and win. Ever since then old Blackjacky’s been on a winning streak taking me along with him.
I find the horseracing game lacks the charm of the Blackjack table and a good player knows to quit while he’s ahead so I may throw in the towel soon but it’s good to know that, whatever the game, Blackjack ain’t never let me down.
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July 11th, 2011
“Poor yourself an old red river spoonful, Kojack, it’s time to play some blackjack games.” – Yvette Fielding
You know, the older I get, the more I seem to get behind and even in-live with the cosmos. Yeah, those lucky stars way up in the sky seem to talk a little clear into my third ear. I feel like I know when good tiems are heading my way, and also when the clouds are gathering for some kind of losing storm. And right now the weather report says ‘A-OK’.
Sometimes when things go your way you can’t help but wanna play a few more games of blackjack. After all, that’s the reason you’re feeling so good, blue. But what you’ve gotta be careful of is spitting too many times into the old Mississippi wind. Hey, ain’t nothing worse than a faceful of your own cocky gob…
What I’m saying to you blackjack players is not to get too confident when you play. Sure, you can have a good time with the cards for a little while, but don’t you forget that those cards will just as soon slap you on the face than pat your head and clal you pretty. Ain’t no doubt it’s plain to see…
This summer when I hit the card table – in both life and cards – I’ll be saying a little mantra to myself to keep me down on this old Earth. It’s real simple but it’s for me and me alone. I’d hate to share my secret with you, dear readers, but secrets are called secrets because they are secrets. And sometimes things real are that simple.
So slip on your old crocodile shoes and head to the river for a barney, because gosh darn it you’re going to need to listening to the flow of Old Father Water as the find your own little head-saying.
Hey, you should listen when your head talks to you. That’s what it’s there for…
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June 17th, 2011
Ah yeah, as the good ol’ spring winds pass into the ether, summer blows into town with it’s suitcase and a newspaper under its arm. He’s here to stay, we hope, but does the weather bring the blackjack player luck?
Typical blackjack is played indoors. Four suits, four walls. Nowadays, things have changed just a lil, and you can play anywhere you want thanks to online blackjack. Seems all you need to do anything these days is a laptop computer and an idea. Lucky for me, my ideas involved getting a laptop computer just as the craze for blackjack games on the internet hit. Now that’s what I call a break…
Sometimes, yeah, I like to sit outside and shoot a few cards while sipping a cool rum and diet coke. I love the heat on my back as I flip the cards. Do I win? Well, so long as Mr. Sun keeps his hat on, I can’t lose!
I know other peeps who don’t like playing outside so much. Smoky Joe won’t play anywhere other than bed, and Dan Ham from Chippenham likes his legs in front of his antique fireplace when he asks lady luck for a favour. Just the way it goes, brother. Just the way it goes…
So this summer, here’s wishing all the online blackjack players a little bit of luck. But not just with the cards. Life too. Sometimes life can be a cold time, whatever the weather, and I’d like to raise a glass to all those affected by whatever’s going on in their lives. Hey, everyone has their time in the sun. The same goes for blackjack when the cards are shining and when they’re wet and stormy. I just got one little bitty word of advice: always wear lotion in the sun.
Success can drive a good man bad. I know that much…
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June 1st, 2011
Well, things are looking mighty rosy for this old-timer. For once lady luck was smiling on me, and a hot streak saw me raking in a tidy sum. As you’d imagine, this means a certain other lady is smiling on me too – but only ’cause she’s expecting I’ll spoil her. See, she’s got her heart set on the annual Big Hoedown on the North Wales coast. The bright lights of Llandudno.
Meanwhile, yours truly would rather use that little windfall for a summer in the city. Any city. Hey, maybe with a bit more of this luck I could whisk us away across the pond to one of the Big Three: Atlantic City, Reno, or even Las Vegas. In the autumn of our lives, we could really do with some Stateside sunshine, while those showgirls are sure to do wonders for my health!
So you’ll understand if I’m a little reluctant to jump in the old faithful RV and gun it down the A55 to a land where seagulls snatch the chips from your unwitting hands. Not to mention gambling was illegal there until the mid seventies – I remember the shock when I went on a stag weekend in my youth – so you can hardly expect many high rolling blackjack games to come my way. Just the miles and miles of seafront arcades, the 2p machines, the plastic horse race, the robot fortune tellers…
But hey, as the Man in Black said, sometimes you just gotta walk the line.
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May 18th, 2011
Playing cards ain’t quite as simple as knowing when to hold ‘em, when to fold ‘em, and when to get your trainers on for a run. Like the man said, you never count your money, while you’re sitting at the table – they’ll be time enough for that afterwards.
I couldn’t agree with Kenny Rogers anymore. It’s important that when you’re at that table playing online blackjack you have nothing on your mind but the cards, and beating your opponent. You see, if you bring your baggage and bank balance ot the table with you, before long it’ll be ruling your hand and the way you play. Before longer you’ll be looking for sensible debt loans rather than an Ace to dig you out of a hole.
There’s been trouble in the past between me and money, that’s for sure. Been days where I preferred to sleep in a bus shelter than go home. Thing is, I wasn’t even playing at the time – I only play blackjack online when my finances allow. My tough times with money have been purely caused by tough jobs and tougher luck. Sometimes fate ain’t as easy to call as a flip of a card…
But what you’ve gotta remember is that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So that means if one day you’re luck is down, you better strap yourself in because pretty soon it’s going to be up again. That’s how it works in this world, and that’s how I like it!
So as the days get a little lighter, little warmer, little sweater, don’t let yourself overheat. Just remember that whatever good or bad days come as you play, there’s always God Almighty ready and waiting to bring you down a peg or two or, and here’s the fun part, raise you up to sit on his cloud with him a little bit.
Keep on truckin’.
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May 4th, 2011
I remember the day very well when the first Star Wars film was released with the confusing title, Star Wars IV. Unfortunately it wasn’t actually May the 4th, George Lucas missed a trick there (he missed a few when he did the shoddy prequels too).
It was a hot summer though in the year of punk..and hosepipe bans, 1977. Folk say that I look daft dressed in my crocodile shoes and Stetson but you should have seen those Mohicans! Some of them had piercings in places where most people don’t have places. My son called them ‘Pink’ rockers.
It was also the silver jubilee but all of that paled in comparison to the greatest adventure ever told this side of Tatooine. It’s basically a good ol cowboy film based in space with a bit of incest and daddy-issues thrown in and instead of a yellow dog, they have a wookie.
It’s not often I reminisce on the hazy days of my youth (ok, mid-life crises) but I feel old enough now to look back on it with a smile as I type this nostalgically and tell a few tales to anyone that will listen.
I hear they’re making 3D versions of the films next, I’ve not been to the flicks for nigh-on 20 years but Princess Leia wearing THAT outfit in 3D is definitely something worth taking advantage of the OAP pass for.
P.S. For you fellow rootin-tootin’ gun-slingers out there, Han shot first!
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April 29th, 2011
What a load of old rubbish that was. I bet they didn’t have a single game of cards (with a single malt) after the reception.
I must say the Princes all looked the business in their dapper military regalia though. I’m stumped as to what wars old Philip has been in but he had more medals than my old man (he used to steal medals).
The Queen hobbled in wearing that Yellow dress she always seems to wear but the while the wife was in awe of Kate Middleton, I was imagining dealing a pack of cards with young Pippa. She looks like she could play a mean hand that one!
Rumours of line-dancing and shoot-the-duck games at the Royal reception have so far been unfounded but I bet they blasted out some Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. The wife says ‘Islands in the stream’ is “our song.” I always thought it was ‘Let’s get ready to Rumble’. Speaking of which, Will and Kate’s honeymoon was over in no time, doesn’t say much for our future king does it?
The viewing figures for the most over-rated wedding since Scott and Chalrene (ask yer mam) were apparently even bigger than late night low stake roulette on telly last Wednesday. Now, I find that very hard to believe. Viva Republica.
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April 10th, 2011
Easter is on the horizon but it’s nothing too much to be EGGsited about (ahem). I can’t eat that cheap chocolate anyway because it gets stuck in my dentures.
Lent has been fairly easy this year, I only gave up smoking cigars (I still smoked everything else) and I told myself I could still chew the ends of a nice fat Cuban. Nothing better to relax the mind and keep the hands busy than a big old cigar. Really keeps your mind off the game – in a good way. Sometimes you can get so sucked into things that you really do just need to blow off a little smoke. My wife is always telling me how bad it is to be smoking and, God bless her, she’s right, but she just doesn’t really understand that sometimes a man needs his vices to help get him through the day. Keeps things interesting. Still, good to get through that 40 days and 40 nights…
I remember a few years ago I gave up playing Blackjack, it was THE hardest 40 days and 40 nights of my life. I couldn’t really play poker either because it was toooo tempting to get closer to my beloved blackjack. Instead I stuck with playing Snap with the kids but they teased me by chewing away at those blackjack sweets, the swines! (I always preferred Fruit Salads anyway.)
When Easter Sunday arrives I’m going to go mad and get my favourite deck of cards out, dust off my trusted table and invite a few old friends over. It’s not the same as the good old days because half of them are in a home. My kids say I’m going senile but you should see Billy McGraw, he puts his eye patch on the wrong eye! That’s one poker face you don’t want to see…
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March 17th, 2011
Finally! It’s getting a bit warmer, spring is slowly but surely on its way. Sure, it’s still raining cats and dogs but at least that pesky snow has gone. Now I can dream about playing card games outside, could even do it on the lawn if my lazy kids get the ‘mower out. I can’t use it myself, terrible accident back in the seventies that I won’t go into too much detail about but at least I’ve still got my trusty card hands.
I get them massaged by the wife, she refuses to rub any other part but what she lacks in imagination she more than makes up for in rigorous hand massaging. She mixes it up sometimes with a bit of palm reading but she’s always too honest about my short life lines. At least make something up love!
Talking of making things up, my friend told me today that he narrowly missed out on being involved in the Space Race, for one he was only about 12 when the Yanks landed on the moon and the other thing is, he’s afraid of heights, let alone flying into outer space. I think he’d played too many space-themed slots or something, but at least it makes conversation a little more interesting. All the wife talks about these days is Emmerdale and her bunions. I don’t know how she got them because she’s always on her backside, unless she’s making my tea.
It’s steak and mushroom pie tonight… with baked beans, real cowboy food to give me energy for the big Blackjack tournament at the weekend. I’m looking to add another trophy to my cabinet. I sold a couple of them when Dale Winton popped up on my telly and said I could Cash my Gold. I got £3.46, hardly seems worth it to me. Anyway, I’m off to get some practice done for the big day, wish me luck!
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February 28th, 2011
Alright cowboys! Roll up, roll up, for another trip aboard the good train Blackjack Tables. This time out I’m going to jaw with you about the benefits of playing away from home. Now, now, partner, I don’t mean playing away in no ’sneakin behind your wife’s back’ way, I simply mean it literally: Sometimes it’s good for you to get out of your familiar environment and see if lady luck serves you something nice to chew on…
With this in mind I headed to the Bridge Street Cafe around the corner from my house for a nice, big slice of old Apple Luck Pie, and a brew. They had no pie, but luckily the WiFi they had was in perfect workin order and so I connected and before long I was off. Straight away I got a big win. Then 3-for-3, 4-for-4, 4-for-5. Not bad going, huh?
I retired an hour later with a 15-for-24 streak. Not bad at all! I headed home and told my wife and she was pretty damn pleased! Of course, I didn’t tell her about my little system of changing my playing environment – it’s best she doesn’t get too excited when I leave the house in future!
So did playing somewhere else work? Why don’t you ask my wallet, buddy? Looks like that bad boy’s spitting out fivers like nobody’s fool. I believe that changing your locale = big on the pay scale, so keep alternate your background and who knows? You could be quids in before you know it.
But where to play? I’d recommend staying away from the drinking holes. Only fools play blotto. I’d also recommend not playing outdoors – you could have all kinds of problems with your laptop running out of battery, that’s if you can even see the screen.
I say: Keep it midday, keep it café.
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