Putting the fun
back in to Blackjack!

I’ve heard a lot of folks bandying about the phrase ‘Back to Black’ this week so I can only assume this is a sign that Blackjack is finally reaching the global popularity that I’ve always predicted. For years I’ve been telling anyone that will listen that there ain’t nothing better than the rush of a great Blackjack game and it looks like my message is falling on no-longer deaf ears (wish I could get me some of those, the volume on the laptop only goes up to 100).

Anyway in more exciting news I’ve been raking in the cash of late and it’s not from Blackjack for once. It is still from gambling, of course, but these days this smart ol’ alleycat is putting his money where the gifthorse’s mouth is. It all started when I read in one of the ball-and-chain’s magazines about a fine American stallion named Blackjack Bob. ‘If that’s not a sign,’ I says to myself, ‘I don’t know what is.’ So I put money on the black beauty and blow me down did it only go and win. Ever since then old Blackjacky’s been on a winning streak taking me along with him.

I find the horseracing game lacks the charm of the Blackjack table and a good player knows to quit while he’s ahead so I may throw in the towel soon but it’s good to know that, whatever the game, Blackjack ain’t never let me down.

I remember the day very well when the first Star Wars film was released with the confusing title, Star Wars IV. Unfortunately it wasn’t actually May the 4th, George Lucas missed a trick there (he missed a few when he did the shoddy prequels too).

It was a hot summer though in the year of punk..and hosepipe bans, 1977. Folk say that I look daft dressed in my crocodile shoes and Stetson but you should have seen those Mohicans! Some of them had piercings in places where most people don’t have places. My son called them ‘Pink’ rockers.

It was also the silver jubilee but all of that paled in comparison to the greatest adventure ever told this side of Tatooine. It’s basically a good ol cowboy film based in space with a bit of incest and daddy-issues thrown in and instead of a yellow dog, they have a wookie.

It’s not often I reminisce on the hazy days of my youth (ok, mid-life crises) but I feel old enough now to look back on it with a smile as I type this nostalgically and tell a few tales to anyone that will listen.

I hear they’re making 3D versions of the films next, I’ve not been to the flicks for nigh-on 20 years but Princess Leia wearing THAT outfit in 3D is definitely something worth taking advantage of the OAP pass for.

P.S. For you fellow rootin-tootin’ gun-slingers out there, Han shot first!

What a load of old rubbish that was. I bet they didn’t have a single game of cards (with a single malt) after the reception.

I must say the Princes all looked the business in their dapper military regalia though. I’m stumped as to what wars old Philip has been in but he had more medals than my old man (he used to steal medals).

The Queen hobbled in wearing that Yellow dress she always seems to wear but the while the wife was in awe of Kate Middleton, I was imagining dealing a pack of cards with young Pippa. She looks like she could play a mean hand that one!

Rumours of line-dancing and shoot-the-duck games at the Royal reception have so far been unfounded but I bet they blasted out some Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. The wife says ‘Islands in the stream’ is “our song.” I always thought it was ‘Let’s get ready to Rumble’. Speaking of which, Will and Kate’s honeymoon was over in no time, doesn’t say much for our future king does it?

The viewing figures for the most over-rated wedding since Scott and Chalrene (ask yer mam) were apparently even bigger than late night low stake roulette on telly last Wednesday. Now, I find that very hard to believe. Viva Republica.

Easter is on the horizon but it’s nothing too much to be EGGsited about (ahem). I can’t eat that cheap chocolate anyway because it gets stuck in my dentures.

Lent has been fairly easy this year, I only gave up smoking cigars (I still smoked everything else) and I told myself I could still chew the ends of a nice fat Cuban. Nothing better to relax the mind and keep the hands busy than a big old cigar. Really keeps your mind off the game – in a good way. Sometimes you can get so sucked into things that you really do just need to blow off a little smoke. My wife is always telling me how bad it is to be smoking and, God bless her, she’s right, but she just doesn’t really understand that sometimes a man needs his vices to help get him through the day. Keeps things interesting. Still, good to get through that 40 days and 40 nights…

I remember a few years ago I gave up playing Blackjack, it was THE hardest 40 days and 40 nights of my life. I couldn’t really play poker either because it was toooo tempting to get closer to my beloved blackjack. Instead I stuck with playing Snap with the kids but they teased me by chewing away at those blackjack sweets, the swines! (I always preferred Fruit Salads anyway.)

When Easter Sunday arrives I’m going to go mad and get my favourite deck of cards out, dust off my trusted table and invite a few old friends over. It’s not the same as the good old days because half of them are in a home. My kids say I’m going senile but you should see Billy McGraw, he puts his eye patch on the wrong eye! That’s one poker face you don’t want to see…

Finally! It’s getting a bit warmer, spring is slowly but surely on its way. Sure, it’s still raining cats and dogs but at least that pesky snow has gone. Now I can dream about playing card games outside, could even do it on the lawn if my lazy kids get the ‘mower out. I can’t use it myself, terrible accident back in the seventies that I won’t go into too much detail about but at least I’ve still got my trusty card hands.

I get them massaged by the wife, she refuses to rub any other part but what she lacks in imagination she more than makes up for in rigorous hand massaging. She mixes it up sometimes with a bit of palm reading but she’s always too honest about my short life lines. At least make something up love!

Talking of making things up, my friend told me today that he narrowly missed out on being involved in the Space Race, for one he was only about 12 when the Yanks landed on the moon and the other thing is, he’s afraid of heights, let alone flying into outer space. I think he’d played too many space-themed slots or something, but at least it makes conversation a little more interesting. All the wife talks about these days is Emmerdale and her bunions. I don’t know how she got them because she’s always on her backside, unless she’s making my tea.

It’s steak and mushroom pie tonight… with baked beans, real cowboy food to give me energy for the big Blackjack tournament at the weekend. I’m looking to add another trophy to my cabinet. I sold a couple of them when Dale Winton popped up on my telly and said I could Cash my Gold. I got £3.46, hardly seems worth it to me. Anyway, I’m off to get some practice done for the big day, wish me luck!

Alright cowboys! Roll up, roll up, for another trip aboard the good train Blackjack Tables. This time out I’m going to jaw with you about the benefits of playing away from home. Now, now, partner, I don’t mean playing away in no ’sneakin behind your wife’s back’ way, I simply mean it literally: Sometimes it’s good for you to get out of your familiar environment and see if lady luck serves you something nice to chew on…

With this in mind I headed to the Bridge Street Cafe around the corner from my house for a nice, big slice of old Apple Luck Pie, and a brew. They had no pie, but luckily the WiFi they had was in perfect workin order and so I connected and before long I was off. Straight away I got a big win. Then 3-for-3, 4-for-4, 4-for-5. Not bad going, huh?

I retired an hour later with a 15-for-24 streak. Not bad at all! I headed home and told my wife and she was pretty damn pleased! Of course, I didn’t tell her about my little system of changing my playing environment – it’s best she doesn’t get too excited when I leave the house in future!

So did playing somewhere else work? Why don’t you ask my wallet, buddy? Looks like that bad boy’s spitting out fivers like nobody’s fool. I believe that changing your locale = big on the pay scale, so keep alternate your background and who knows? You could be quids in before you know it.

But where to play? I’d recommend staying away from the drinking holes. Only fools play blotto. I’d also recommend not playing outdoors – you could have all kinds of problems with your laptop running out of battery, that’s if you can even see the screen.

I say: Keep it midday, keep it café.

An old friend came to stay recently. And I don’t mean a buddy from the past, or a former lover, or even an old illness popping in to say hello. I’m talking about bad luck.

Now bad luck can take many forms. It can be a door locking shut just before you reach it, or that gift horse you looked at in the mouth dropping dead the moment you take it back to the good old stable of life. Lady Fortuna brought me a heap of bad luck this week, and she parked it in a stable I’ve come to call ‘blackjack’.

Playing online blackjack is different to roulette or any other game in many respects. First off, because it’s a game of skill, you always think you can master whatever hand comes your way. The trick is to know when to hold them, know when to fold them. Secondly, it’s an ego thing – nobody wants to leave the table empty-handed – there’s always that ‘one more hand’ mentality. That mentality has got me out of some tough jams, but it’s also dug me right into others.

So I’ve been on the bottom-end of the old win-lose scale this past couple of weeks. There are two good things I can take from this. Number one is that I didn’t tell my wife about any of it. If she’d been on the ball, she’d have noticed something was up when we downgraded from Shredded Wheat to Tesco’s own ‘Wheat Rectangles’. She’s in the dark, although I feel bad her old ticker ain’t as strong as when she’s eating the product endorsed by good ol’ Beefy Botham. Second, well, second is that I know I got me a good streak o’ luck just about ready to burst all over me.

Here’s to the future…

It’s good to have other hobbies and things to dip into every now and then. Of course, playing the online blackjack tables has become a hobby for me, but sometimes it does feel like a little bit more than that. Gambling online is what defines me, my job is what I do to pay for it!

Still, it isn’t just blackjack that I do in my spare time. I also like to go down to the racetrack and gamble on the dogs. They’re incredible animals; so fit and ready to run. If it wasn’t for the odds you’d be stuck as to which one to put your money on. And even then, the odds don’t tell the whole story.

The dogs I like are the ones who fight. Sometimes you can see it in how they walk. They skulk, but proudly, away from the pack, as if that’s how they were born and that’s how they will stay. Some of them were, and that’s how they ended up at the track. Some of them were simply born into this.

Of course, I don’t want to incite the animal rights crowd. I know they have their position and it’s always a very well-thought out one and I have no problem with it. All I can say back, and it’s not a great argument I know, is that I find a little companionship at the dogs. The animals, the other gamblers, even the guy selling snacks in the raggedy uniform – we’re all the same. And I feel at home there. What more can I say?

When I don’t feel like the online blackjack card Gods are on my side some days, I head to the dogs. I go to the dogs, according to the wife, and in some ways she’s absolutely right.

With every new year comes a chance to change. Throughout December, people ask themselves: “How can I become a better person in the New Year?” Some try to lose weight, or give up a vice, others choose something more spiritual. Some, like me, are more consistent in their approach. I like to keep taking chances.

My wife is understanding, and has always supported my love of online blackjack and casino games. Still, I feel she doesn’t truly get why it is that I keep playing. Put simply – games like online blackjack help me to relax. When those cards are being dealt, I know that for a few moments at least, my fate is not in my hands. It lies purely in the palms of the card Gods. I like it like that.

This year I’ll continue to let those card Gods treat me as they see fit. I trust them, and I hope they have a soft spot for me after all these years too! After all, I’ve been an advocate of their system of dishing out justice and luck for a long, long time now.

Whether the game is blackjack, online roulette, even a few of those crazy online slots games that take me a while to get my head around, I’ll keep on playing. Life is all about taking chances, and hoping that when the really big opportunities come along you have enough experience to recognise and take advantage of them.

This January right through until the next, and up until those card Gods decide that it’s time I folded for good, I’ll be right there at the online blackjack table. I’ll be relaxed, I’ll be free, and I’ll be ready to spot those classic blackjack chances when they come along again. I like it like that.