Putting the fun
back in to Blackjack!

Charles, a close friend of mine now for over thirty years, visited me last week. Charlie and I met during our time in the army and, understandably, we’ve formed quite a good friendship. Still, I don’t see him as much as I’d like to – he lives in Somerset now with his wife, Susan – so I was pleasantly surprised when my wife told me that he’d called during supper to arrange a visit.

It was the first time that I’d welcomed Charles into my home, so naturally, I gave him the full tour of our modest cottage. Of course, I saved up the inspection of my blackjack trophies and certificates until the end of the inspection.

Charles didn’t seem surprised by my bursting cabinet. Indeed, during leave we often hit the local casinos by our barracks. I’ve been sworn to secrecy about many of our adventures – lest our wives think less of us – but suffice it to say, we both got quite proficient at it.

After Charles had left, it got me thinking about our times together and how much fun we had as young men. Still, I can help but wince at the amount of money we must have lost at the tables. We were naive players. Often standing when we should have hit. Often hitting when we should have stood.

It just goes to show that, like wine, you get better at blackjack with age. I can only imagine at how many trophies I will win when I am 90!

There’s a great deal of hoo-ha today about the new iPhone, which got unveiled last night – even though some chump unveiled it months ago by leaving it in a bar. To be honest, I’m not that interested in the device. You can’t download blackjack apps from the Apple Store and even if you could, they would never replace the thrill of playing the real thing in a casino surrounded by proper gents and beautiful ladies.

No, I do fine with my trusty Nokia 3210, it does everything I would ever want a mobile phone to do – makes calls, sends text messages, says hello to me when I switch it on. I’m not interested in using it as a spirit level (I’ve got very accurate eyes anyway) or tip calculator (I’m superb at maths, have to be for blackjack) or anything else. Just a phone will do me, thank you very much.

But if the pocket-sized gadget cannot do what the real world can (I have heard talk of a new mobile blackjack game coming out soon but we’ll have to wait and see if it’s any good) there is one electronic format that doesn’t do too badly. Online casino blackjack has been around for a few years now and is actually very good at recreating the buzz of sitting at a table. Obviously you don’t have the beautiful ladies at home with you (hope Elizabeth doesn’t read this!) but in terms of the mechanics and the tension, playing blackjack online is actually a fair replacement for the real thing. Heaven knows I’m partial to few games when I can’t get to a proper casino.

My favourite online blackjack game is probably Hot Streak Bonus. This is a fine example of an area in which the online world actually excels beyond the land-based. Bonus features. In real-world blackjack, there’s a pretty set pattern of payouts and gameplay structures, but online casino gaming has blown this wide open with the introduction of countless new modes, bonus rounds and features. The extra payouts and thrilling presentation of Hot Streak Bonus are what make it such an attractive proposition for me.

By the way, I’ve not forgotten about my pledge to get back into reviewing casino blackjack tables. I’ll be looking at everything right down to the quality of the felt. I’ve booked in my first trip for later in the month – stay tuned fans.

Greetings fans. I’ve had a lot of people getting in touch with me about a strategy I proposed in my last blog, so I just thought I’d clarify: when I said always stand on 17, I meant, always stand on 17. No ifs, no buts, just a golden rule. Honestly, I wouldn’t be in the position I am today – widely regarded as one the finest blackjack players Chiswick has ever seen – if I wasn’t used to sticking to my guns. So to the gentleman from Barking who emailed suggesting that I should change my strategy under certain circumstances (too contrived and improbable to warrant reproduction here) – NO. Not now, not ever. No way.

Anyway, on with the here and now. It’s been a busy time for me of late, I’ve actually played in a few blackjack tournaments. These days I don’t like to play for real gain too often as it seems unfair on the other players but I have been tempted into the fray by the prospect of going up against some of the liveliest young table jockeys out there. Of course, I schooled them all, coming away with a tidy set of winnings which I used to take myself and Elizabeth away for the weekend.

I read recently, with some mirth I might add, about the story of a player who lost his Ferrari after valet staff at the Crown Casino in Melbourne gave his keys to the wrong driver. It reminds me of the time when I visited the Crown on my trip to Australia at Christmas. The blackjack tables there are among the finest in the world. Nothing as dramatic as me losing my car happened, although the motorbike I had hired did gain more than a few admiring glances from some local onlookers – I was quite concerned for its safety. Luckily it remained in my possession for the duration of its lease and the worst thing that happened was that it fell over onto the tarmac when I tried to get back on it upon leaving – very embarrassing.

All this talk of blackjack tables has got me thinking that I’d like to get back into reviewing casinos – it’s something I’ll be doing more of on the blog in months to come. I think I’ll organise a few trips around the country, maybe even the world, and report back to you on my findings – and winnings.

Until then, keep hitting.

Blackjack V Poker and why I no longer play the latter…

Afternoon, everyone. I should have been jetting off on a quick break to Florence this week with the wife, but thanks to that bloody great cloud of ash our trip was cancelled. I couldn’t reschedule at short notice because of work commitments so it looks like we’ll have to wait for our getaway.

On the plus side, this does give me time to write a quick blog post. Unfortunately I won’t be offering insightful reportage on the wonders of northern Italy, but indulging in my favourite subject matter – casinos.

Word reaches me through my contacts that a punter just took around 75k out of one of the UK’s top online casinos, with a nice bit of action on Ten Play Jacks Or Better, which is a poker game. People often come up to me when I’m at the blackjack tables and ask why I don’t turn my obvious skill to poker, which some see as the most viscerally thrilling casino game on Earth.

The truth: I don’t fancy it. Poker has never really appealed to me (although I’m sure we can all see the positives in winning 75 grand from an online casino); there’s too much posturing involved. Of course, I played it quite successfully in my younger days – you have to, if you’re to get anywhere in the casino world. Back then I could stare a statue out at ten paces and still have enough moisture on my eyeballs to flash a cheeky wink at the loser when I took the pot. ‘Stoneface Miles’, I used to call myself. There was no telling my hand from my face. I swear the whole time I was playing poker my mouth moved only to offer mocking consolation to those parting with their cash.

But that’s ultimately what I didn’t like about it. Too much machismo, not enough fun. Blackjack is a much more vibrant scene. When we’re all round the table it’s like a team of us versus the house, each edging the other on to beat the dealer. Camaraderie. Of course, I often win, but I never feel in competition with my fellow players – they’re just happy that someone at the table is having some luck.

I guess if you were to sum up the key difference between blackjack and poker you’d have to say that it all boils down to the atmosphere surrounding a game. Your average poker table is like a nest of snakes all slithering around a golden egg, whereas blackjack is much more fun, like a field full of happy dogs.

I’ll leave you with the story of the last time I played poker. I was on a streak – as I so often am – of remarkable luck, convinced I couldn’t lose. We were in one of Mayfair’s top venues and in walked this Russian chap, very flash, mean-looking. He pitches in to the game with a double or quits gambit and me – never one to turn down some free adrenaline – takes him up straight away. The other players back away from the table. We play for a while and I’m feeling pretty good, shoulders loose (possibly because of the fine malt I’d been enjoying) but faced fixed. Slowly I’d amassed what I thought was a winning hand: a straight flush consisting of the 7, 8, 9, 10, and Jack of Clubs. I prepared to lay down. There’s no way this guys will beat me – I am fireproof, I thought. He laid down his cards. By this time we’d put in about 15 grand each. Then it hit me. A Royal Flush. Hearts. The Unbeatable Hand. There was nothing I could have done. I lost all my money. I left the casino and couldn’t speak to anyone for three days.

That’s why I don’t play poker.

I recently invested in a top of the range Blu-ray player to go with my 52-inch HD TV, thereby almost completing my dream entertainment room at the palace – now all I need is to get the new surround sound system and blackout shutter blinds installed and we are away. Fantastic.

My love of movies is something I’ve indulged only briefly before on this blog and so I thought I’d bring in a new feature: the Blackjack Film Club (on the subject of film – what are we thinking about Claudia Winkleman’s appointment on Film 2010? I’m not entirely convinced).

One of the first Blu-rays I got was The Hangover, which is one of my favourite films from 2009. It’s got a fantastic blackjack scene, in which the main characters, led by oddball Alan, attempt to win $80,000 by card-counting.

As is correctly pointed out in the film, the process of card-counting is not illegal – but it is frowned upon. Sure enough, the blaggers are rumbled and they have to make quick their exit (aided by some great comic prat falling by Heather Graham) from the casino.

Of course, on the occasions when I’ve followed the deck more closely than a Scud missile follows its target, I’ve always been very careful not to make it obvious. Card-counting is a delicate art, requiring nerves of steel, the memory of an elephant and a face of granite. I’ve racked up some big wins over the years, although I don’t count anymore – I much prefer the thrill of playing a game of chance.

Me being me, I win more often than not anyway – guess I’m just a lucky guy. Let’s sit back and enjoy the blackjack scene from The Hangover.

[Unfortunately, YouTube embedding of the clip has been disabled; you'll have to click here to watch.]

Very Rain Man-esque. Incidentally, the music playing is The Joker & The Thief by Australian band Wolfmother. Great track to get the blood pumping before hitting the tables.

I’ll be back soon with more posts and film club recommendations. Until next time movie fans!